Babies and Murder
by exploding-penguins
Summary: What was supposed to be a quiet lunch quickly takes an interesting turn when Sasuke asks his big brother where babies come from.


**Hi, everyone! I've been wanting to do something like this for a while. Hope you enjoy! I don't own Naruto.**

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Sasuke Uchiha sat quietly at the kitchen table as he watched his big brother, Itachi, roam about the kitchen. It was lunch time, and Itachi was about to prepare what was sure to be a delicious meal. Sasuke's mouth began to water just thinking about sinking his teeth into whatever yummy food his brother decided to make. Just then, his stomach rumbled loudly.

Itachi chuckled and looked over at his precious little brother, who was smiling sheepishly. "You sound hungry, otouto. I think I'll prepare some fish. Is there anything you'd like with it?"

"Rice! Ooh, and a tomato!" Sasuke replied, nodding enthusiastically.

Itachi smiled at how cute his little brother could be. "Rice and a tomato it is," he said, turning on the faucet. He filled a pan about half way and placed it on the stove, turning on the heat.

As Itachi waited for the water to start boiling, Sasuke started to fidget with his shirt. Itachi raised an eyebrow at his otouto, wondering what he was thinking. When Sasuke started fidgeting like that, it usually meant he wanted to ask for something. As if on cue, Sasuke began to speak.

"Nii-san, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything, otouto," Itachi replied, keeping an eye on the stove.

"Where do babies come from?" he asked quietly.

Itachi's attention immediately snapped to his younger brother, who was looking up at him with curious eyes. He was completely caught off guard by the question. How was he supposed to explain this to a seven year old? Itachi wracked his brain, trying to figure out an age appropriate way to explain the birds and the bees to his innocent little brother.

"Well… When mommies and daddies really love each other, sometimes they decide they'd like to have a baby. When they decide to have a baby, they have sex, and nine months later, a baby is born," he said quietly, hoping that would satisfy Sasuke's curiosity.

Unfortunately, Itachi wasn't that lucky.

"Oh… What is sex?" Sasuke asked innocently.

Itachi felt a blush creep to his cheeks, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um…"

Sasuke simply blinked up at Itachi, patiently waiting for an answer. Itachi again tried to figure out an age appropriate way to explain. He sighed and ultimately decided to go with the truth. Sex was a fact of life. Sasuke had to learn about it sometime.

"During sex, the daddy puts his penis inside the mommies vagina. That is how sex works," he said finally, his cheeks growing hotter by the second.

Sasuke let out a horrified gasp. "B-But, isn't that dangerous for the mommy!? How could anyone do that? It's so violent!" he exclaimed.

Itachi stared at Sasuke, utterly bewildered. "What do you mean?" he asked, reaching for the cup of tea he had prepared earlier.

Sasuke crossed his arms and looked as if he was thinking of something. He suddenly shook his head, with a disturbed look on his face. "At the academy the other day, I overheard Asuka-sensei talking to Hideki-sensei during break. Hideki-sensei told Asuka-sensei that he was going to murder her vagina when they got home!"

Itachi promptly spit out his tea and began coughing and choking violently. "U-Ugh!" Itachi choked, pounding on his chest as he hacked up a lung.

Sasuke frowned and moved to stand up, concerned. He had never seen his big brother like this before. "A-Are you okay, nii-san?" he asked as he took a step closer to Itachi.

Itachi finally gathered himself and put a hand up, stopping Sasuke in his tracks. He could barely believe what he'd just heard his innocent little brother say. He shook his head, trying to clear it and failing miserably. "First of all…" he began slowly, "do not use that phrase again. It is inappropriate," he finished.

Sasuke nodded slowly, still a little concerned. "I'm sorry, nii-san… I didn't know," he replied quietly, looking down in shame.

Itachi sighed and shook his head, feeling guilty for reacting the way he did. He had just been so shocked. "It's alright, otouto. It's not your fault. You didn't know. But I assure you, sex isn't violent…"

'_Unless you're into that sort of thing.' _Itachi thought to himself.

Suddenly, the scent of something burning filled the room. Sasuke pointed to the stove with a gasp. "Nii-san! The fish is burning!"

Itachi growled, utterly annoyed, and turned off the stove. Not only was the fish burnt to a crisp, but the rice was boiling over. Itachi shook his head with a sigh.

"Damn it."

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**I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a review and add this story to your favorites if you enjoyed!**


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